THE United Kingdom, reeling from Brexit and the new Covid-19 strain, organized Time to Talk 2021 last February 4.
On that day, the British government encouraged discussion about mental health that has been highlighted all the more in this pandemic.
The theme for this year’s event was dubbed, “The Power of Small,” where people were encouraged to engage in small pockets of talks in every walk of life.
One of them—although a bit more on a macro level given who it is—Crystal Palace Football Club’s Andros Townsend was featured in the Premier League’s #Staywell Hub talking about the need to connect and engage in small discussion with loved ones, friends, or even people you don’t know.
In the talk, Townsend encouraged discussion, “The best advice I can give anyone who may be struggling with mental health would definitely be to speak to somebody, anybody, it doesn’t have to be a professional. It can be a family member, a friend, a colleague, anybody, anybody who will listen to you.”
Since the pandemic struck, I have lost a classmate and two work colleagues to the virus with a number of friends afflicted. The survivors have all spoken of the fear and mental anguish of being stricken by the virus.
During this time, I also lost three family members and four friends and classmates to natural causes. And I have a friend and an acquaintance who committed suicide within 40 days of each other.
Now, the last two are alarming.
One didn’t send any signals while the other one did. Both were not in any form of financial trouble although the former was embroiled in some controversy.
Depression and suicide is something that I know all too well. I battled it before including one extended bout with all sorts of crazy things running in my head. But I came away from it much stronger. Not so with two others who were a part of my old life.
Pre-pandemic, I lost two people close to me.
One was a part of my circle of friends while another was a young kid who played for me when I was coaching our subdivision basketball team in inter-village play.
The first was going through family problems as a junior in college while I was in my first year of working. I thought it was enough to listen and to give advice. Apparently, not. But what do you know at 22 years of age, right?
One time, this friend of mine tried to jump off a balcony, but I grabbed him in time. I punched him in the gut that caused him to lose his breath. My friends and I sternly told him off and told him to hang in there. But I was so angry at him that I didn’t speak to him for two weeks. When next we spoke, he actually bade goodbye moments before he took his life.
That incident scarred me deep inside for years.
Then the second incident happened.
The other person was this kid abandoned by his mother at a young age and handed over to relatives who didn’t treat him as family. As a result, he was a bit wild.
When he got around to playing for me as a young teen, I benched him. Only because he refused to play defense. One time, he cussed me out and pulled a knife on me. I kicked him off the team and reported him to his foster parents.
About a week later, he tearfully came over to apologize. We talked and mended fences. And he became a huge part of my team in the two years I coached the team (we lost in back-to-back finals all with the final play) as a three-point specialist with a much-improved mania for defense.
When I moved to the United States about a year later, he was so forlorn.
He fell into this drunken stupor and unruly behavior. It was while I was abroad that he ended his life.
I oft think about both of them and wonder if they’d be alive today if I did more. Friends tell me not to heap that guilt on myself. But I do think about it. More so since this pandemic happened and I see more people afflicted with depression and taking their lives.
The aforementioned two recent incidents involved a friend and an acquaintance who went down that path; the former I was in touch with about other matters three days prior to his deed. I must say that he sounded to be in good spirits.
Obviously not. It has been barely a month and I still shake my head at the thought.
So I have re-doubled my efforts to engage in small talk. In this time, I’ve also counseled a number of my students dealing with depression in this time. I must say, it has helped them cope tremendously.
I am glad to help. Especially in this most difficult time. However, much work remains to be done.
We must continue to engage in conversation.
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