HE leaves the meeting even before it finishes. But when he does stay, he finds reasons to dismiss your ideas and insists on his own. In meetings with your group head, he shoots down your ideas even if he has already approved these beforehand. He thinks he can do your work even if it took you years to develop the skill level you have right now, and insists on decisions which go against everything you believe in. He assigns you to projects you have no background in, and it seems he is always setting you up to fail. That is not bad luck. You have a toxic boss.
Having a toxic boss is counterproductive and results in delayed decisions and missed opportunities. It also results in unnecessary fear and worry when you could have spent the energy doing actual work. And when work becomes even more challenging than it already is, there is no need to feel unnecessary anxiety coming from your leader who, after all, should be there to guide you to success and support your professional growth.
A toxic boss is someone who lacks empathy. They demand work be done in a certain manner (their own way) and are inflexible with the causes of delay. They are rude and ridicule people in public, and cut off other people’s ideas when it goes against their own. They treat every suggestion or recommendation as a personal attack but when things go awry, they find people to blame except themselves.
And since they lead a team, their leadership style breeds toxicity. They encourage conflict within the team by making team members compete against each other.
Toxic bosses are narcissistic and look out for their personal interests and lack the leadership and technical skills to manage their team. These are incompetent bosses who got by because of their promotional and marketing skills more than their decision-making and people-building skills. These are the bosses who get away with millions in losses by covering up their incompetence, passing the blame and sucking up to management by telling executives what they want to hear.
Any good organization can be taken down by one toxic boss who will alienate and drive out the best talents and replace them with sycophants who have no voice of their own, and who are as uncreative and incompetent as the toxic boss.
If you value your career and your own personal sanity, what can you do to manage a toxic boss? The first thing you need to do is to decide if you want to stay or go. This will dictate how you can control your reactions and how you do your work. It will also help you decide your end goal and guide your decisions in dealing with a toxic boss and those who enable them.
If you stay, a strategy which others employ is to play along with their toxic boss and train themselves to be bootlickers. Some would argue that they do so to earn the trust of their manager and when the toxic boss feels comfortable with them and value their opinion, then they can recommend gradual changes. I would caution against this as it can mentally drain you from keeping yourself positive about the situation. Sooner than later, you will mentally break down.
Another option you can take is to keep your head down and do the work to the best that you can. Be professional and do what is required of you to the extent that you do not suck up to your toxic boss. Always do what you can to help your boss succeed so you safeguard your own professional credibility despite the lack of leadership. Be strictly professional with them by refusing to engage in useless gossip or talking about personal matters. This way, your toxic boss cannot use personal matters to your disadvantage.
Also, deliberately document everything and get their approval on paper especially for high-risk decisions which could be pinned on you. Let them know you cannot move forward without their documented instructions and if instructions were given verbally, send an e-mail immediately after with the summary of the decisions, and copy-in all those who were present. This way, you can protect yourself and the others who were there in the meeting.
And whether you stay or go, find a support group for yourself so you can vent out in a safe environment. Make sure you find people you can trust and will provide practical ways of handling your frustrations and alleviating your anxiety. It is always good to find people who will provide guidance and help you navigate office politics.
If warranted, talk to your human resource. And while human resources is supposed to protect employee welfare, there are some who protect the employer at all cost. A balanced HR is one where they listen to employees but at the same time, package issues and concerns in such a way that employers understand the root cause, and that changes need to be made to improve employee welfare and, ultimately, productivity. Make sure you can trust your HR and that they can also do something about your toxic boss. Otherwise, it can backfire and your toxic boss will antagonize you further.
In that case, get out as soon as you can. I do not mean get out of the organization right away. Try to look for other positions within the same organization. Your institutional knowledge and the network you have built over the years will help you find other opportunities within the organization. If there are no other internal options, start looking outside. Even if they are the best organization, it will only take one toxic boss to bring the whole organization down. No toxic boss is worth your peace of mind and professional growth.
I like what my leader said to our team when we were having a meeting one time. She said, “I like it that our team is diverse because differing views can open new opportunities and new ways of working.” She further said, “If you guys thought the same, clearly, one is dispensable.” She assured us that our different backgrounds and perspectives help her make decisions for the good of the team, and ultimately the organization. And there are others like her. You do not have to needlessly suffer from a toxic boss. Because in the end, a good leader invests in people and their growth, more than advancing their personal interests.
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