Have you ever accidentally unmuted yourself during a meeting and said something so embarrassing that you just wanted to disappear? Or, do you remember something you did years before and said to yourself that you could have done better, and now you find yourself thinking you will not succeed in anything at all? There are days when reflecting and thinking of the past can help you with the needed motivation to push forward. But what do you do when you get stuck with destructive thoughts and confusing emotions?
The first thing you need to do is to know when you are stuck in your head. Overthinking is characterized by repetitive bad memories, overly second-guessing your decisions, or going around in circles in your head without resolving anything. Being self-aware that you are unnecessarily dwelling in your thoughts is the first step to getting out of it. When you become mindful of your unproductive, circuitous thoughts, you are in a better position to arrest it before it careens out of control.
When you realize you are overthinking, list what needs to be done and then prioritize those things which you can do. Focus on solutions and the steps you need to take to help you get to a resolution of the issue. Thinking is good for decision-making because it helps you uncover issues that could come up later and help you craft creative solutions to address them. It becomes unproductive when those issues stop you from deciding. When you get caught in analysis paralysis, overthinking can escalate the issue into a crisis.
Keep a journal where you can list down your action plans so you are reminded to focus on what you can do. Sometimes, we regret things we should have done because we forget to do them, or we focus excessively on people and events which we cannot control. By listing down what you can do and knowing you have done them, you are assured that you have done everything you can. And even if you did not implement all the solutions you have listed, it is a reminder there will always be options for solutions later. Listening them down also quiets your thoughts into rethinking the issues repeatedly, and provides a visual motivation that you are not helpless because there are other options.
Your journal will also help remind you of your past successes. Sometimes we wallow in self-destructive behavior because we forget our own value. By reminding yourself of your past accomplishments and the challenges you had to go through just so you could achieve them, you will realize that you are more capable and stronger than you used to be. This will quash negative thoughts you have of yourself and help you find the motivation to keep on moving.
Be mindful of your thoughts and nip in the bud those which you know will lead you to a bad place. Mental health professionals use a technique called grounding to help people with anxiety and anger issues to find alternative points of view to help calm them down. An example is that when someone cuts you off in traffic, you can just think that the other person is in a hurry for a family emergency. I have tried this several times but just like any habit, if you do not practice it often, it will not catch on. Traffic in Metro Manila is a good training ground in finding your center.
If you find yourself in the habit of falling into overthinking, do something else when it happens. The best way to replace a bad habit is to get a new one. When you know you are about to overthink, go for a quick workout, read a book, or clean your room. Focus on something productive or an activity you enjoy to get your mind off adverse thoughts and damaging behavior. To get an instant boost, help someone. Your help will make you realize there are people who need you, helping you see your value to others. And let us not forget the good feelings associated with helping others.
Forgive yourself. Past events and decisions can creep up and invade your thoughts and make you feel like a victim of circumstances. In such cases, remind yourself that you cannot predict the future. You can only do so much under the circumstances, and that you acted the best way you knew how in the moment. And if you did make a mistake and overlooked alternative solutions, remind yourself that everyone is growing and learning because nobody is perfect. Sometimes, our perfectionist side rears its ugly head and makes us feel guilty for even the simplest of mistakes. To dampen it, acknowledge that you made a mistake, learn the lesson, and use the lesson moving forward.
To help you forgive yourself, you also need to look at the big picture. There are some mistakes that will not matter in a week, a month, or even years to come. So, stop dwelling on past mistakes and focus on what you can do to improve yourself.
Lastly, ask for help when you feel helpless to control your thoughts. Talk to friends or a counselor about what is going on. Sometimes, it takes another person for you to be able to sort through what you are thinking and feeling, helping you understand yourself better. Saying things aloud also helps you hear yourself and make you realize how absurd your thoughts can be. If the situation becomes worse, a licensed therapist can help you develop coping techniques or even prescribe medication if needed.
Overthinking is the result of fear, anxiety, and the inability to manage your thoughts and emotions. When prolonged, it can lead to other mental health issues and physiological irregularities. But when caught early on, it can help you focus on solutions and what could go right, more than your worst-case scenarios. And when your focus is overcoming the problem more than on the problem, you create a path out of the endless cycle of overthinking.
Image courtesy of Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash